"Almost Like Family"
by Tricia Shore

(Originally published in Wet Set Gazette, May/June 2004)

     A few weeks after moving to Los Angeles, I realized that people often move far away from families to establish connections away from a childhood home. Although this separation from our ancestors can bring enhanced creativity and independence, it is not as attractive when we begin to have descendants. As a pregnant me listened to an East Coast friend say that her mother-in-law was a helpful babysitter for her son, I realized that there would be no blood kin to watch my child. Fortunately, a few months after my first son was born, I found the next best thing to relatives: a babysitting co-op.

     The most wonderful thing about babysitting co-ops is that no money changes hands for the sit. In most co-ops, points are exchanged for babysitting and other tasks. Each sitter receives a certain amount of points depending on how long the sit lasts and where it is held. The member receiving the sit has those points deducted from his or her account. A monthly secretary receives a few points from each member per month for arranging the sits. At the end of a romantic evening out with my husband, I don’t have to worry about searching through my purse to pay the babysitter.

     The co-op I am a part of began as I talked with other mothers in my son’s Gymboree class. A couple of them started a playgroup and from one mom’s word of mouth to another, a co-op was born. Most of our first children are three years old now and many of us have had second children or are pregnant with a second or third. I only wish we had started the co-op sooner. Moms-to-be in a pregnancy group or moms in a newborn group provide an ideal start for a co-op.

     Julian Ford of Burbank, mother of Max, 4, and Louie, 2, loves the babysitting co-op idea so much that she has started two of them. "My little sister was leaving California to return to the Midwest," Ford says when asked how she initially thought of the idea for a co-op. "She was my only dependable source of free sitting and our income at the time would not support the cost of sitters." Another sister of Ford’s, who lives in the Midwest, told Ford about the co-op in her neighborhood and Ford began gathering her friends and neighbors and setting up initial meetings.

     Mothers interested in forming a co-op should read Smart Mom’s Baby-Sitting Co-Op Handbook: How We Solved the Baby-Sitter Puzzle by Gary Myers and Patty Barthell Myers. Ford combined ideas from the book with co-op ideas on the Internet "to make a perfect blueprint" for her co-op group. An excellent site to start research is www.babysittingcoop.com. It is important to know what other groups are doing so that you can see what kind of co-op you want yours to be.

     What is best for your group may not be good for another. Although my co-op has members from as far as an hour’s drive from each other, Ford’s co-op concentrates on her neighborhood. Members of my co-op like the geographic diversity of our group. One of our members, Jamie Johnson of North Hollywood, does not like to be far away from Lillianna, 3. Because members live so far from each other, she can plan who will babysit her daughter by how close the person lives to where Johnson plans to go during the sit.

     Ford, however, finds that "proximity is key." In her first co-op, she invited many parents from all over. Her first co-op had "a 15-mile radius, which in California can mean drives in excess of 35 minutes to drop off a child for a sit." Her current neighborhood co-op requires no parent to drive more than ten minutes to a sit. She describes the convenience as "a huge incentive" to use the co-op.

     Whether the co-op has people near or far, the most important thing is that your child will be watched by a parent, someone who has a child close to yours in age. Julia Lapeze of Burbank, mother of Jason, 4, is due with her second child in July. Like many co-op members, she found out about her babysitting co-op through a friend. Lapeze likes to meet with the other moms and make new friends. But the co-op also gives her some "much needed time off," during which she can be "assured that my son is in good hands."

     As with many mothers in babysitting co-ops, Lilly Chang of Sherman Oaks finds that the co-op helps her daughter Lauren, 4, make new friends. She likes meeting with moms at the different socials and business meetings of the co-op. Because Chang works outside the home, she finds the co-op increases her own social circle, giving her a "community of women with children of a similar age." The interaction with other moms gives her a chance to share the joys and trials of being a parent. She only wishes that more moms in her co-op worked outside the home. When planning a co-op, it is a good idea to include as much schedule diversity as possible. A mix of at-home and at-work moms allows more available times for sits.

     Lani Lively of Northridge likes the social interaction for her toddler son, Jake, 2 and her newborn son, Bo. Her co-op, to which I belong, holds one social per month and several birthday parties each year. She recently brought her one-week-old to one of the birthday parties, allowing us to savor the sweetness of a child that not long before had been inside her womb. Those of us with toddlers and preschoolers often forget how wonderful it is to see and hold a newborn. The co-op gives us the opportunity to provide support through pregnancies and births. It is wonderful to be able to watch our children grow together.

     Babysitting sessions themselves are more of a playdate than a sit. When a dinner my husband and I had planned to go to was cancelled, I was tempted to cancel our babysitting for the evening. But my older son had been looking forward to playing with his friend Lauren all day. I didn’t want to disappoint him. My husband and I chose to enjoy the mundane: we folded laundry, listening to how quiet the house was before our children were born; then we went out to eat, all while our sons played happily at Lauren’s house.

     Recently, two members of our co-op have hosted a "Parents’ Nights Out." The two members in charge of the evening have four to five hours of activities planned for the five children they plan to watch that evening. While the hosts receive valuable babysitting points, the parents of the children they sit can go to a movie or dinner, assured that their children will be in a safe atmosphere, working on crafts and playing with friends.

     In addition to providing babysitting services, co-op groups spawn friendships. Our group has a social once each month in which we bring our spouses and children. Every other month, we hold a business meeting in which we socialize afterwards. Once each year, we have a holiday party, paid for with our yearly dues of $12. We have all grown to know each other well and share advice on those tedious parent matters, such as toilet training, discipline, and nutrition, things that much of the non-parent population finds boring.